Now: I realize my stated purpose of this blog is to attempt to make you smile. This entry is not really funny but you may as well laugh because you can't do anything else. This week I met with historical renovation specialists to offer a solution to replace windows in two buildings that must meet the state and federal historical preservation guidelines as well as Anti Terrorism Blast requirements. This is good. This is what I do for a living. Now for the funny (or sad) part of the story. The walls of the two buildings are so weak they are not sure how they are still standing. The government is allowing the specialists to build a six inch reinforced concrete , three story, building shell inside these two buildings to hold up the original exterior walls and to allow the building to be certified for occupancy. They will then replace the windows with blast rated (Hopefully ours) windows.

Now for the really funny (or sad) part! This will cost millions (yes, multiple "m's") for EACH building. To add to the funny (or sad) part, these buildings are in the middle of a military facility where they will never be seen and, according to one gentleman I spoke with, most likely will never be occupied! I would love to sell them windows but in the interest of my Grandson's future, lets build a park there with a monument and a picture of the original buildings!!!!!! Are you LAUGHING yet?

Then: Electricity and fences. I love electricity. It is wonderful to flip a switch and the lights come on. I HATE getting shocked. Add electricity to a fence and it is also a wonderful thing. Animals who normally can not be contained suddenly stay where they are supposed to.

For those who are not familiar with electric fences, allow me to educate you. Electric fencers are a system by which a single wire is run from the power source around a field or enclosure. The electricity pulses on and off in about one second intervals as a safety feature should a person come in contact with the wire. If the ground was wet and the electricity was constant, you might not be able to let go. These fences must be maintained often because as weeds and grass grows up and makes contact with the wire it will weaken the voltage until it no longer shocks.

As a young boy on the farm, it was one of my jobs to check the fence to see if it was still working and cut the weeds if needed. I, being morally opposed to having the pi-s shocked out of me, learned I could take a long blade of grass and check the electricity flow. By laying the grass across the wire and slowing sliding it closer to your hand, you can feel when the current is strong enough to pass thru the grass to your fingers and still not get shocked.

My Dad and his brother, on the other hand, seemed to like the idea of home based "shock therapy" and would just grab hold of the wire. One day, they decided to have a contest to see who could hold on longest. The fact that I come from this gene pool is not something I am particularly proud of but since I look just like him I can't deny it.

Back to the contest. Contestant #1 (Dad) and contestant #2 (My Uncle) steeled themselves and with the usual "Ready", "Set", "Go", placed a death grip on the wire. The first few seconds it seemed the fence might have been turned off. Then the muscles in the back of their hand began to twitch with the electric pulse of the fencer. The longer they held on the more muscles reacted. Soon the muscles in their forearms were spasming. This continued and soon the biceps were flexing. All the time one brother (idiot) would say to the other brother (idiot) "Do you give yet?". Soon their entire arm was flailing like an injured bird trying to fly with one wing.

I don't recall which Olympic Fencer won this contest of stupidity. Does it really matter? The fact the contest was held says enough. The video here shows a brief interaction of a guy with an electric fence. Suffice it to say, this is NOT me in the video!