Now: This week my travels took me to Overland Park, Kansas for the week. While traveling, I often need a small snack to keep me going. I was driving down the road and saw a sign for a bakery outlet store. As I pulled in the driveway I saw something else which suddenly changed my mind about getting a snack! What would this do for YOUR appetite? :-)

Then: While still living on the Hunky farm my Dad worked in Monett at the shoe factory during the day. He milked a few cows on the side which meant a long day that started quite early. One sunny spring day he came in the kitchen while I was eating breakfast and he was about to leave for the factory. I was deep into my morning bowl of Cherrio's, bulking up my six year old "ripped" body preparing for a day at school. He explained he had found a skunk in the cow feed bin in the barn. He told me he had shot it and I was to use a pitch fork and remove it before I got on the school bus so the feed would not be ruined. He left and I naively and obediently headed to the barn. I choked and gagged but was able to remove the murdered mammal as instructed.

The next couple of lines are not for the faint of heart so I will attempt to be gentle. I guess the easiest way to describe what happened is this. If only I had eaten Alpha-Bits instead of Cherrio's, I could have spelled what I thought of my Dad that morning on the lush green spring grass so beautifully highlighted by the bright early morning sun. It just this minute occurred to me what the poor school bus driver must have thought when I boarded the bus! Yuck!!

Now: This week I traveled to Little Rock, AR for work. I was returning home and was on the road to Damascus (Arkansas) when this truck filled with loaves of bread pulled up beside me. I suddenly recalled the story in the Bible about the multitude being fed by one loaf and two fishes. As I looked at the truck laden with bread, I began to watch my mirror for two trucks full of fish to go with the bread. Am I about to witness a miracle here? Alas, I sadly was not. It was only two rednecks going to feed their hogs stale bread from a bakery.

Then: My first love. Our family only lived on The Hunky place for three years. Thus I attended Purdy elementary school for my first, second and most of my third year. While there I met my first love. Her name was BR and I fell head over heels for this young lass. I was so smitten I actually let her wear my jacket at recess when she was cold. I know the feeling was mutual because she broke her parents phone when she thought it was me on the phone calling her and she dropped the phone. Shortly thereafter, we moved to a farm east of Monett and I did not see her again.

That would have been around 1958 that we moved. Fast forward to around 1989 which found my wife and I sitting in Hammons Hall at SMSU for a writing awards ceremony for our second grade daughter. As we were waiting for the Monett students to be announced we heard them announce the Cassville students and their teacher. The teacher was none other than my first love, BR. With my lovely wife's encouragement, I walked to the other side of the gym and asked if she remembered me. She did! We chatted awkwardly for a bit and I returned to the love of my life, the mother of my children and the woman who loves me so much she has not smothered me in my sleep for snoring. LOL Oh, life was good when I was seven.

Now: The weather this week has been unbelievably cold. The temperature this morning was -3 degrees! That is too cold for man or beast. This brings me to my newest investment idea. Of course, I am not a licensed or registered investment broker but this is so good I can not help but share it with my friends. While I was in Tulsa this week I did see evidence of one poor guys plan for the future and I am not recommending a snowball franchise. LOL

I recently read an article predicting the Arctic would be ice free in about five years, due to the supposed global warming issues. This worried me a great deal so I began to do some extensive research into the possibility that poor Al Gore might finally be right about something. I finally found the one fact in the equation the scientists have all missed. The global warming problem has been caused by aerosol spray but not by what was IN the spray but the manner in which it was SPRAYED. It is a known fact that approximately 95% of the worlds population is right handed. It is also well known right handed people spray their deodorant under the left arm first. The united spraying of vast amounts from left to right caused a global band of aerosol wind current thus causing global warming. Several highly respected scientific journals have asked me to publish my findings but I am reluctant to do so at this time. :-)

Now to the investment plan. As this phenomenon continues the temperatures in the Ozarks will continue to fall as they will rise in the Arctic. Within five years this area will be a frozen wasteland and the North Pole will shift to the intersection of highways 39 and 62 in Gateway, Arkansas. I and my close friends (you) will sell everything we have and purchase a glacier or as many acres of tundra as we can. In five years, when everyone here is commuting by dog sled, we will be the proud owners of ocean front property and be set for life! Don't let this get out or the price of ice will be driven up before we can complete our investments. :-)

Then: As I said in an earlier post, my Dad milked cows on the farm as well as working in Monett in a factory. He only milked about four head and it was done by hand. The milk was poured into stainless steel cans which were placed in a large stock tank filled with cool water to keep the milk cool until it could be picked up each day by the milk man. One warm summer day the milk truck failed to stop at our farm and drove right on past. I know this because I always waited excitedly for his arrival each day and would talk with him. I ran in the house and told my Mother he had not stopped. She was quite unhappy about this because the milk would not keep until the next day and would have to be dumped out. It has been many years ago but I remember quite clearly what my Mother said. "If that is the way he is going to be we will just get another milk man to buy our milk!" Now you may wonder why I have such a clear recollection of her words. I will be happy to explain. The next day when my friend the milk man arrived, I was waiting as usual. I quickly repeated, word for word, what my Mother had said. He smiled, rubbed me on the top of my head as he always did, and said he would see me tomorrow. As he drove out of the driveway, the kitchen door opened and out stepped Mother with a belt. Boy do I remember each word she said!! :-( I never have understood how someone can get in that much trouble for quoting someone else. LOL

Now: I spent this week in Tulsa, OK making calls for "The Firm". I happened upon a unusual vehicle and had to stop to take a picture for you to peruse. I was afraid you might not believe my description without one to back me up. The vehicle I saw was the "Smart" car with this very unusual paint job. I have questioned the naming of this car from its inception. Why is it a "smart" car? Is it well versed in history? Does it speak multiple languages? I don't think so! In my humble opinion, it is not a "smart" car. I don't even think it is smart to drive one. I don't like the idea I would have to look up to see the top of the large truck tires in the next lane! It would be bad enough to have every truck driver in the midwest wanting to make you a speed bump but why add to the danger with that paint job? Then every redneck with a rifle and a dream of being a big game hunter will be after you too! Is that SMART? The decision is yours. :-)

Then: After I recovered from my big bike crash and gained a little more experience I was given permission to ride my bike up our farm road to the Lutheran Church about 1/4 mile from our house. My parents told me I could go that far unaccompanied but absolutely no further! After many trips to explore the Church grounds I found myself tempted to turn left at the Church and go on further. I sat at the stop sign on my tiny bike with two tiny angels sitting, one on each shoulder, advising me on important matters of a six year olds life. On the right shoulder sat the good angel saying "Now you know this is against the rules." On the left shoulder sat the evil angel saying "Go for it. No one will know because they can't see you. You're a big boy now." This continued for some time before I finally gave in to the devilish guy.

I rode down the forbidden road, the wind blowing my blonde locks behind me. It was like I was Easy Rider except he did not exist yet! I rode past several houses feeling more confident the further I traveled. Suddenly, a HUGE dog appeared trying to eat my right leg. I peddled as fast as my little legs could go until the dog finally stopped and returned to the end of his driveway. I stopped and turned to face the dog who was waiting for my return. My heart was pounding in my chest. What am I to do? I know this dog must be fed Kibbles and Little Boy Bits by his owner and he is sitting there watching my every move with a big smile on his doggy lips. I can't call for help and the only way home is back the way I came. I know I have to face this canine assain or I will have to face the wrath at home. Which is worse? Dog, Dad. Dog, Dad. Dad, Dog. Finally I realized I was more afraid of my Dad than this trained killer so I pulled myself together, looked the dog in the eye, mounted my trusty steed and charged! I still think I could hear bugles playing "Charge" in the background. I obviously survived the ride home and never told my parents about that evil little angel and how he made me take that ride. :-) Age six was a big year for me! :-)

January 1, 2009

Now: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Today was a day off, naturally, so my lovely Bride and I drove to Branson, MO to have lunch and do some shopping. With the exception of being VERY cold, it was a beautiful day in the Ozarks. The sky was clear and the sun was shinning and bright. It looked every bit like a good day for a motorcycle ride until you opened the door. We did see one poor misdirected soul ( a good phrase when you don't want to call someone an idiot) riding an old school chopper.

One of my favorite sights in the winter is the icicles. When it is very cold, as it has been recently, you often see HUGE icicles on the face of the bluffs. As water runs out of the ground and the cracks in the bluff it freezes quickly and forms majestic ice columns. It is not unusual to see thirty to forty foot formations of ice with another one forming on the ground below growing UP to meet the hanging one. If only I had been ready with a camera to snap a picture for you!?!


Then: Another memory from the Hunky Place comes to mind. This was in the fall of my seventh year. I know this because my Mother was in the hospital having a baby. My Grandmother had come to stay with me on the farm while Mother was out of pocket. It was a warm sunny day and I was playing outside. The farm had very large trees which dropped a lot of limbs. I was walking around the yard stomping on these old dry branches and making a marvelous "popping" sound as they broke. "Why" you might ask? Who knows. Ask a little boy why he does most anything he does and you will get the same answer you get from an adult when asked the same question. "I don't know!" :-)

At any rate, I was leaping from stick to stick with great flourish when I landed on one stick that did not reward me with the resounding "crack" I was looking for. This stick bent under the weight of my foot and began to wrap around my leg! This was my first encounter with a black snake. As an adult, I realize black snakes are good and will not hurt you. They might bite you as a last resort to defend themselves but otherwise they are pretty harmless. As a seven year old, I thought I was going to be eaten whole by this huge creature! I recall screaming like a little girl and running toward the house with a snake that was probably almost as scared as I dragging along for the ride. The poor reptile finally fell free as Grandmother came to see what the commotion was all about. Over the years that followed, my Grandmother enjoyed telling this story because she said I was so frightened the word "snake" actually came out "SNEEK"! She found the offending beast and removed it, thus saving my life. Aren't Grandmothers wonderful?